Over the past few months I have been actively preparing to leave for Haiti. However, reality is just now beginning to settle in. I am actually leaving. I am no longer just talking, Im doing. Weird.
Now that this new found reality has hit me, I am all the sudden woefully unprepared. I just recently considered the need for bed netting, bug spray, and a large bottle of malaria medicine. For heaps of baby wipes and Advil. For batteries, snacks, and cutips. And, of course, the less needed rain boots for Haiti's rainy season. So much to remember, so much to consider! The anxiety of it all has begun to creep into my skin. To infect my every thought.
In fact, my thoughts have been consuming more time than actual packing has. I think of what I will get to do and experience in Haiti. How God will use the gifts He has given me. I think of meeting new people, hearing new stories, seeing the marvelousness of God in new life. All of these great things I will gain makes think of what I will be leaving behind.
Truthfully, I am most wrapped up in this topic.
I mourn the loss of growing girls. I will miss movie nights, intimate conversations with friends, watching people grow and change. I know I will miss time in important people's lives that I cannot gain back. I will even miss fountain soda. But, there is a higher calling. There are people who do not know their worth in Christ. The gospel must go forth. We are called to love and to serve. God is calling me to do just that.
Despite all of this, I have realized that I have been neglecting the thing most important to prepare. I have been so wrapped up in physically getting ready that I have forgotten about my heart. I haven't prepared my heart for the magnificent way in which God will shine His glory. I have (quite quickly) abandoned the item that will fasten me to God and break for others. I have neglected to survey it's contents and pray for softening and filling. I have neglected the very thing that God had laid this very journey on. By neglecting my heart, I have neglected much more.
Thankfully, I am not on my own. He can change and prepare my heart in ways that I cannot presently fathom....and He will. In God's time and power my heart will be right where He knew it would be. And I am right where He wants me right now. (Whew!) Here I am understanding His timing and my need for His unchangeable grace, seeing His daily mercies, and doing lots of packing.
